I have a good friend, Heidi Naylor, who has asked me for a
write up of how our family came to be.
She asked a few more times and then resorted to threatening bodily harm
if I didn’t fulfill my promise to her to provide the information! (OK, she didn’t
really threaten me…I tend to embellish a bit at times), At any rate, here goes!!
In 1999 my wife, Cayce, and I moved back to Michigan after a
two year stay in New York. We were a
husband and wife team with two awesome children. Kodey and Josh were 7 & 6 and we were
content with life. I was working my dream job as a chef for a large corporation
and Cayce was a stay at home mom doing her thing! We had it all and weren’t looking for any
more.
As a secretary in the Relief Society for our local branch of
the LDS Church, Cayce got an assignment to contact LDS Family Services to get
information about placing a child for adoption.
One of the members of our congregation was pregnant and was considering
her options. Cayce was diligent in what
she was asked to do…and then some. After
getting the information she was asked to, she inquired about what it takes to
adopt a child. She gave me the information when I got home and “told” me what
we were going to be doing in the very near future.
She was quick to get the paperwork done, her portion that is,
I was dragging my feet a bit. As I look back, that feet dragging was because of
a fear I had. I wasn’t sure if I could
love another child as if they were born to me.
I would soon learn that my fear would never be realized as I now know
that I couldn’t love our children more if they were born to us. At any rate, we got a call one night to tell
us that our son was born and that we needed to kick it in gear and complete the
application process so he could come home to us! Needless to say, I got to work on my part of
the paperwork!
Wednesday November 17, 1999 we met our son, Nathan, for the
very first time. I remember that day
well. He was a sleep in his car seat
when I arrived home. Scott Henderson, his
caseworker with LDS Family Services, was taking care of some paperwork with
Cayce in the kitchen and I sat 2 feet away from Nathan just watching him
sleep. Only a minute or two passed
before he opened his eyes and focused on me for a second and then he smiled a
full faced smile that buried any fear I had of whether I could love another
like my own! 30 seconds worth of smile changed
my life forever!! Nathan was sealed to
our family in the Detroit Michigan Temple on July 28, 2000.
Wednesday March 14, 2001 we met and fell in love with a tiny
bundle we would name Zachary. He was just
less than 5 pounds and struggled with drug addictions, Asthma, jaundice, and a
few other issues. It was a rough start for this fighter but he has prevailed
wonderfully. He was due to have a liver surgery
at 5 ½ weeks old as the Doctors felt he would need a transplant. We worried, prayed and as a branch, fasted
for our little son to be healthy and strong.
Turns out that he didn’t need a transplant just some meds for the rest
of his life…so they thought. Today, at
13 years old he struggles with none of the medical issues he faced as an infant,
and he doesn’t need those lifelong meds we were told he would need. He is one of our modern day miracles. Zach
was sealed to our family on Tuesday July 2, 2002.
Shortly afterwards, we began to care for babies being placed
with LDSFS as pseudo foster parents while their adoptive parents made preparations
to come to Michigan from out of state and pick up their new child. We were able to care for 8 additional children
doing this service and one child altered our course yet again. Baby Joseph (who later was named Joshua by his
adoptive parents, Cory and Brittney) was adopted and being sealed to his family
in the Mount Timpanogos Temple. They invited
us to be there with them. We came, fell
in love with Utah, and moved here into to home we currently live in 5 weeks
later!
After arriving in Utah and realizing that we could not continue
our service with LDS Family Services we looked into and became licensed foster
parents for the state. Little did I know
at that time that I would one day work for them as a Recruiter and eventually
the Area Representative for the Western Region.
Wednesday June 9, 2004 brought our first placement, Jonathan
and Gallie. They were just barely 4 and
2 and Jonathan was still in the mindset that he was “free” (aka Three) and would
tell everyone he met. This was our first experience working with children who
experienced any sort of trauma; we were so naive during those days and began a
journey of personal growth and progress.
When they arrived at our home, Gallie came out of the car easily but
Jonathan was a totally different story.
As Gallie and I watered flowers, Jonathan sat reserved in the back seat
of the car, scared and feeling alone. My
heart ached for them and to my surprise for their parents as well. I didn’t know that I could become attached to
the adults in the lives of the children I found it so easy to love. These two little beauties were supposed to be
short stay but situations changed and we became a forever family on Tuesday May
10, 2005 in the Mount Timpanogos Temple.
Aleceeya and Klorissa came next on Saturday July 10,
2004. Aleceeya was 3 months older than
our son Josh and as a result of the long time she spent experiencing trauma was
a hard child to work with. She had
struggle and suffered through more than any child we had ever known. At the time I began to be triggered by Aleceeya’s
childhood that clearly reminded me of my own dysfunctional early years. My trudging through my issues, which until
this time had been comfortably buried deep in my subconscious mind, would prove
to be the hardest thing I would do in life to date. Although Aleceeya and I
would butt heads many times over the next 8 years, without realizing it, she would
help me get past some horrible issues and become far better than I ever could
have otherwise. Our relationship would grow strong over the years. Klorissa was just 2 ½ years old and was so
scared…of everything. She progressed
nicely through her difficulties. They
were sealed to our family on Saturday April 29, 2006.
Wednesday February 1, 2006 brought Katie and Joseph into our
lives. Katie was a scooting little 10
month old beautiful girl and Joseph was a strong willed handsome 2 year old
boy. Like the others, these two
struggled with traumas and the impact it had on their young lives but as
parents we were better prepared to help them. Lest you read into that to mean
we did it ever so perfectly, I am here to tell you that was not the case! I was
still working through my own issues and tended to be somewhat of a
perfectionist…a characteristic I have been happy to leave on the side of the
path along this journey and keep moving forward without it tagging along!
Joseph and Katie became a part of our forever family on Thursday February 8,
2007.
Thursday January 25, 2007 brought a sibling group of 4
children to our lives, Jacob (7), Andrew (6), Lydia (5), and Ben (3) These 4
beauties graced us with their presence and brought with them a unique situation…other
than 4 children at one time…the Spanish language! Two of the children didn’t speak any English
and none of us spoke any Spanish. Jacob
and Andrew interpreted a lot for us needless to say. This case was supposed to be an easy “stay
for a short time” type of a placement but as time went on, things began to
spiral. Upon seeing this trend, we asked
DCFS to find another suitable placement for these children, after all, they would
make 14 children for us and who has 14 children anyway!! Another placement was found but it only
lasted 6 weeks and the family was not willing to continue so back they came. The Division couldn’t locate another family
to be able to keep all 4 of them together and asked if we would bring them
home. The rest is history! Jacob,
Andrew, Lydia, and Ben were sealed to our family on Friday May 9th
2008 in the Mount Timpanogos Temple. The
unique situation here was that Jonathan JUST turned 8 years old and Jacob at
this point was 9 so both would need to be baptized BEFORE we could seal them in
the Temple. To this point, we had a
pattern of going from the court house to the House of the Lord for the
sealing. (we would always squeeze McDonalds
in between the two events in each case.
This time we went to McDonalds before court, went from court to the
Stake Center to baptize two boys, and then head to the Temple to seal these 4
beauties to our family forever. What a
day!!
All was relatively quiet for the next couple of years, we
had a grand total of 62 children come in and out of our home over the years and
we thought out time adopting children had come to an end (who has 14 children
anyway??) We were content!
During this two year hiatus from adopting, we provided
respite for a spunky little 3 year old with beautiful eyes and freckles to
boot!! Abby was with us for a week between one of her 5 different
placements. On Thursday July 8, 2010 as
part of my Utah Foster Care responsibilities, I sat in placement meeting and discussed
the need for yet another move for her. I
remember the workers using psychological terms and throwing in the word psychotic,
and manic, and a few other words that suggested Abby had some really bad issues
going against her. I chimed in stating
that I didn’t see any of that when she stayed with us for the week and asked if
it was possible to hide those types of disorders of if they just came at will
without an ability to keep them at bay.
Needless to say, Abby moved in later that night!! She struggled with some nasty behavior, probably
the worse I have ever seen in a 3 year old child, or any age for that
matter. She had gone through some really
rough times in her young life and she was living in fear…of everything. We worked hard together and continue to do so
to some extent to this day but she has made wonderful progress and has grown
amazingly. Abby became a part of our forever family on Friday January 28, 2011,
also in the Mount Timpanogos Temple.
This date would have been my maternal grandmother’s 97th
birthday. As a present to her, Cayce and
I served as proxies for the sealing of her to her sweetheart!
Tuesday February 28, 2012 found us with yet another
placement of siblings. Because they are
not yet adopted but will be soon I cannot use their actual names or any other
identifying information. Suffice it to
say that child one (who is awesome by the way) was just barely 2 years old, child
number 2 (who is my shadow, if I get more than 3 feet way from him an internal
alarm goes off warning him to come find me!
He is an amazing boy too) was just barely 1, and Baby girl 1 was just
barely 4 months old (she is a total princess and an all-around wonderful girl,
beautiful in every way.) Later this same
year, Baby girl number 2 was born 6 weeks early but as perfect as ever. This makes 19!!
The adoption of the latest beauties is forth coming. Their parents made some really tough
decisions that were totally selfless so their babies could stay safe, healthy
and loved. I look at them and all of the
other parents of our children with so much respect for the incredible sacrifice
they made so their babies could have the best lives possible. My heart swells with
pride for knowing them and at times aches horribly for what they must go
through on a regular basis. I will be
forever grateful to them for allowing my family to raise their most precious
creations.
We NEVER intended to get to this point, never in our wildest
dreams would we have imagined having 19 children, in fact we were content with
2 children, then 3, then 8, and then 10…you get the idea. After a while we simply stopped being “content”
turned our lives over to Father in Heaven fully and said vocally, “if You want
us to care for more children we will do exactly that” If He brings us to it, He will definitely bring
us through it!
As it was 10 years ago when we got started on this amazing
journey, there is a HUGE need for quality foster and adoptive parents in the
state of Utah. No one is asking YOU to
take on 62 children or even adopt 17 children but if you can help even one
child you have made a difference in that child’s life. You can impact their forever! Foster Care
changes lives let it change yours!
For more information on how to become a foster/adoptive parent
in Utah call 1-877-505-KIDS, visit www.utahfostercare.org,
find us on Facebook, or simply talk to someone who is already making a
difference!! You won’t regret it.
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